![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Thoughts about life and creativity
Mar. 20th, 2014 10:07 pmSorry my updates here have become more sporadic -- my more part-time job has decreased the need to make long to-do lists, and tumblr has now become the place for random "twitter"-like comments. However, DW/LJ is still my home for actual thoughts, as it has been for 13 years (!!!) (Here's my post from 2002 trying to figure out colleges).
Anyway, a couple of things on my mind. Let me see if I can articulate it.
I've been teaching for 7 years now, which means I've reached a place of comfort in my teaching, and I'm at that point in the crossroads where I need to think about shaking things up. (Relevant SMBC comic)
At this juncture, there are several things that can "shake things up" -- changing what I do at school, focusing on comics, focusing on family and Chinese School. I'm pretty sure I can't do all, but maybe 1 or 2 are possible? Regardless what I choose, I need to think long and hard about what I want my next 7-9 years to be like.
Changing my school job. This year I've been part time, but part time is a special case. Next year I'm basically back to full time. But full time in what capacity? Here are some possibilities
-- Become more of a manager/admin, such as being a student life dean. Pros: I'd be able to affect change beyond the classroom--maybe make the school a happier more inclusive place. Cons: I'd have to leave the classroom and the kids and spend the majority of my time in meetings with adults.
-- Double down on the classroom and curriculum by developing Mandarin textbook and improving World Religions. Pros: Curriculum design has immediate impact in the classroom. Cons: Curriculum design is hard, and in the end still a cog in the machine.
-- Teach somewhere else where I'm not gilding the lily. Pros: I'd be in a new system with its own pros and cons, and no longer in this stasis. Cons: I'd have to start over, and my first 2 years will be really crappy.
Role of Making Comics in my life:
Drawing comics is a creative process that's super absorbing. I have no problem spending 20 hours a week just working on Tisquantum, and when I'm doing it, everything pales in comparison -- even curriculum design. Basically I haven't been able to stop thinking about Tisquantum since October, and I've basically given up on a lot of non-comic-drawing tasks. I just watched Stripped, which describes 2 paths for comics. One is the industry path, which is sending stuff to publishers/syndicates, letting them handle the business, and become full-time artist. The other is the webcomics path, which is cultivating an internet presence and handling all the business and marketing yourself, in addition to drawing the comics. Both models require complete dedication, which I don't think I'll ever be able to give to comics.
So what do I really want out of this process? I am proud of the comics I've made, in particular China Comics and Tisquantum, and I want to share it with others. However, my comics don't have an easy audience -- it's not fantasy/steam punk, it's not indie/journal, it's not humor comic strip. Reading Tisquantum takes effort -- I don't think I can even recommend it to most of my friends. ("Hi please sit down and read 40 pages about pseudo-historical Algonquin Indians and their arguments.") I think about 10% of my friends, and 2% of random people would actually give it the benefit of the doubt. I don't care about money, but I *would* like to have an audience. But in order to have the audience I either have to make more easily accessible comics, or spend a lot of time building that audience.
FACT: I like drawing comics and telling stories with comics.
FACT: Drawing comics is all-consuming.
FACT: I cannot have an all-consuming hobby.
FACT: I tend to draw comics that don't have audiences.
These facts cannot all stand.
I feel like right now my choices are:
-- Double down on Tisquantum, let it consume my life, and come out the other side stronger. In the process, give up a lot of other things I value (family, Chinese School, changing my school participation, etc). It'd take about 1-2 years to finish Tisquantum.
-- Dial back on Tisquantum, give up the update schedule. Let it stay a hobby that I work on in miscellaneous chunks of time. It'd take about 4-5 years to finish Tisquantum.
-- Either stop or finish Tisquantum, then transition to making comics that are more accessible, and less draining. It'd be less exciting, but also less all-consuming.
Family and Chinese School
So... things are shifting in Chinese School that requires me to take a much larger management role. It's gotten to a point where I can almost see myself doing Chinese School-related stuff full time. But that would mean giving up the classroom, and giving up on teaching history.
Also, even though I've given up on the whole pregnancy business, that doesn't mean I can't have a family. But I also know that raising a kid is serious business -- that regardless of other decisions that I make re: school and comics, having a kid will mean that kid is going to come first. I know having a kid doesn't mean the end of my life as I know it, but I also know that it'll be a sufficiently significant change that portions of my current life will not survive the transition.
So what will my next 7 years look like?
If I choose to focus on being a better teacher: focus on making WR and Mand the best it can be, stay out of admin drama, and then when I get home, pursue various side projects, including Chinese School and comics, but dialed down. (This is basically closest to status quo.)
If I choose to focus on Chinese School and family: Work on Chinese School full time, and start the process to adopt a kid. Since that stuff will take a year anyway, use that year to finish Tisquantum. Then spend the rest of the time building up the Chinese curriculum, and maybe working on a high school Mandarin curriculum.
If I choose to focus on being a manager: take on a more admin role at both school and Chinese School, leaving very little time for comics and other side projects.
If I choose to focus on comics: Set school and Chinese School stuff on cruise control, focus on drawing comics and cultivating an audiences. After Tisquantum, move on to draw other comics.
Other combos/possibilities?
Anyway, a couple of things on my mind. Let me see if I can articulate it.
I've been teaching for 7 years now, which means I've reached a place of comfort in my teaching, and I'm at that point in the crossroads where I need to think about shaking things up. (Relevant SMBC comic)
At this juncture, there are several things that can "shake things up" -- changing what I do at school, focusing on comics, focusing on family and Chinese School. I'm pretty sure I can't do all, but maybe 1 or 2 are possible? Regardless what I choose, I need to think long and hard about what I want my next 7-9 years to be like.
Changing my school job. This year I've been part time, but part time is a special case. Next year I'm basically back to full time. But full time in what capacity? Here are some possibilities
-- Become more of a manager/admin, such as being a student life dean. Pros: I'd be able to affect change beyond the classroom--maybe make the school a happier more inclusive place. Cons: I'd have to leave the classroom and the kids and spend the majority of my time in meetings with adults.
-- Double down on the classroom and curriculum by developing Mandarin textbook and improving World Religions. Pros: Curriculum design has immediate impact in the classroom. Cons: Curriculum design is hard, and in the end still a cog in the machine.
-- Teach somewhere else where I'm not gilding the lily. Pros: I'd be in a new system with its own pros and cons, and no longer in this stasis. Cons: I'd have to start over, and my first 2 years will be really crappy.
Role of Making Comics in my life:
Drawing comics is a creative process that's super absorbing. I have no problem spending 20 hours a week just working on Tisquantum, and when I'm doing it, everything pales in comparison -- even curriculum design. Basically I haven't been able to stop thinking about Tisquantum since October, and I've basically given up on a lot of non-comic-drawing tasks. I just watched Stripped, which describes 2 paths for comics. One is the industry path, which is sending stuff to publishers/syndicates, letting them handle the business, and become full-time artist. The other is the webcomics path, which is cultivating an internet presence and handling all the business and marketing yourself, in addition to drawing the comics. Both models require complete dedication, which I don't think I'll ever be able to give to comics.
So what do I really want out of this process? I am proud of the comics I've made, in particular China Comics and Tisquantum, and I want to share it with others. However, my comics don't have an easy audience -- it's not fantasy/steam punk, it's not indie/journal, it's not humor comic strip. Reading Tisquantum takes effort -- I don't think I can even recommend it to most of my friends. ("Hi please sit down and read 40 pages about pseudo-historical Algonquin Indians and their arguments.") I think about 10% of my friends, and 2% of random people would actually give it the benefit of the doubt. I don't care about money, but I *would* like to have an audience. But in order to have the audience I either have to make more easily accessible comics, or spend a lot of time building that audience.
FACT: I like drawing comics and telling stories with comics.
FACT: Drawing comics is all-consuming.
FACT: I cannot have an all-consuming hobby.
FACT: I tend to draw comics that don't have audiences.
These facts cannot all stand.
I feel like right now my choices are:
-- Double down on Tisquantum, let it consume my life, and come out the other side stronger. In the process, give up a lot of other things I value (family, Chinese School, changing my school participation, etc). It'd take about 1-2 years to finish Tisquantum.
-- Dial back on Tisquantum, give up the update schedule. Let it stay a hobby that I work on in miscellaneous chunks of time. It'd take about 4-5 years to finish Tisquantum.
-- Either stop or finish Tisquantum, then transition to making comics that are more accessible, and less draining. It'd be less exciting, but also less all-consuming.
Family and Chinese School
So... things are shifting in Chinese School that requires me to take a much larger management role. It's gotten to a point where I can almost see myself doing Chinese School-related stuff full time. But that would mean giving up the classroom, and giving up on teaching history.
Also, even though I've given up on the whole pregnancy business, that doesn't mean I can't have a family. But I also know that raising a kid is serious business -- that regardless of other decisions that I make re: school and comics, having a kid will mean that kid is going to come first. I know having a kid doesn't mean the end of my life as I know it, but I also know that it'll be a sufficiently significant change that portions of my current life will not survive the transition.
So what will my next 7 years look like?
If I choose to focus on being a better teacher: focus on making WR and Mand the best it can be, stay out of admin drama, and then when I get home, pursue various side projects, including Chinese School and comics, but dialed down. (This is basically closest to status quo.)
If I choose to focus on Chinese School and family: Work on Chinese School full time, and start the process to adopt a kid. Since that stuff will take a year anyway, use that year to finish Tisquantum. Then spend the rest of the time building up the Chinese curriculum, and maybe working on a high school Mandarin curriculum.
If I choose to focus on being a manager: take on a more admin role at both school and Chinese School, leaving very little time for comics and other side projects.
If I choose to focus on comics: Set school and Chinese School stuff on cruise control, focus on drawing comics and cultivating an audiences. After Tisquantum, move on to draw other comics.
Other combos/possibilities?
