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Chinese or American baby?
Sep. 6th, 2015 08:49 pmSo I got this suuuuper interesting question in my askbox after making this post about my weird Chinese-American identity.
This is highly relevant to my life, since I'm actually forming a baby right now! :D
For me, it's pretty much been decided that I'm staying in America, for a variety of reasons:
- My husband is an American white guy and his family is in America. He is also super awesome and multicultural so I feel like I have a pretty good chance of raising a good kid with him, regardless of where we are.
- My Chinese family ties are specifically to Shanghai, which, while extremely metropolitan, still has certain aspects of Mainland China that would make long-term living there less enticing:
---> The government control and censorship of media and internet
---> The deterioriating environment factors
---> The stress levels and the emphasis on 不要落后在起跑线上 (don't fall behind at the starting line -- basically a lot of pressure to give your kid *everything*. I'm talking about English classes for 2 year olds, bribery to get into the better preschools, etc.) That is honestly something I don't want for my kid.
- I'm more used to asserting/fighting for my rights in America than in China. Part of not quite belonging in either country is that you're always defending the culture/values/politics of one while interacting with the other. The fight in America is a fight for minority representation and against Anglo-centrism, and it's something that I've had enough personal experience in that I *know* that fight. The fight in China would be for certain "American" values: individualism, the right to choose the less optimal path, volunteerism and caring for non-material goods, etc. I'm not saying that China doesn't foster those values, but I feel like the current middle class urban culture there is definitely much more centered around consumerism. You show family how much you care about them by buying gifts and favors, you express your individuality through consumerism. So much self worth is measured through money. My cousin quit his perfectly-fine job and used a bunch of favors to get a better one, not because he was happier at the new one, not because he needed the extra money, but solely because the salary at the new one was more "on par" with what his friends were getting paid. I'm not saying that America isn't obsessed with material wealth, I just feel like ... there's a bit more breathing room here? Or at the very least, I know how to assert myself in American society far better than I know how to assert myself in Chinese society, so I have more confidence in creating a safer environment for my kid in America. What are the cultural pitfalls of living in a China-centric society? How do I deal with toxic ideas in Chinese society? I don't know!!
- I live in a place where there is enough of a Chinese cultural presence that I can create the positive Chinese influences that I want. There are Chinese-English bilingual Montessori schools and bilingual immersion schools that go up to middle school. My parents are currently living within a half hour drive. Getting a Chinese nanny/babysitter is within the realm of possibility. Chinese kids books are easily purchasable. My family is in the weekend Chinese School business. I think all of this creates an extra buffer against "the typical experience." It might be that the things that I value in Chinese culture are, in a way, perhaps better preserved in certain Chinese Diaspora communities than in China proper???
- In terms of when the kid grows up and wants to make their own choice re: China vs. America, I think it's definitely easier to go from America->China (the power of the American passport, etc), than the other way.
- The previous example of my brother! He was born in the US, and then we sent him to boarding school in China for 6th and 7th grade, and then he came back for high school. So his Chinese is great, his English is great, he's a great quirky dude in general, he is much better at navigating both China and America than I am. So yeah... it worked for him!
So anyway, I've made these choices largely based on the situation of my Chinese family ties, the community support that I can get in America vs. in China, and my own feelings of competence in navigating both societies and in creating a good environment for kid in both societies. You might answer these questions completely differently, since Taiwan has fewer of the pitfalls of Shanghai, and your support structure in Taiwan vs. your situation in America might push you to make the opposite decision. And in terms of that sense of Who We Are... given that my kid's gonna be biracial and bicultural, it's just going to be something that they'll have to figure out for themselves. :D???
Hi Soup -- just wanted to thank you for sharing your perspective on being "Generation 1.5". And can I give you a virtual high-five / hug for being, well, more like myself than the great majority of Chinese/American/diaspora persons I've ever met? My history is somewhat different, but the 1) having a stronger, more substantial connection to the heritage than the modern/pop stuff and the 2) not fitting in on either side of the ocean really hit the mark.
If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to chat with you some more about your experience, especially what kind of thoughts, if any, it gives you as you consider what you might want to offer your child(ren). I ask because having seen so many examples of "the typical experience" (which you also described in your DW), I'm incredibly wary of it and would like to avoid priming any of my future children down that path if possible... and with this being something I find incredibly important, it becomes a significant factor in deciding whether to stay in America (where I am generally socially happier except for when I can't help but feel incredibly alienated by Americanism), or to return and try to make a life in China/Taiwan (where most people can't seem to get me on an operational level but where at least we agree on the basic principles of Who We Are)? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again for sharing your story!
This is highly relevant to my life, since I'm actually forming a baby right now! :D
For me, it's pretty much been decided that I'm staying in America, for a variety of reasons:
- My husband is an American white guy and his family is in America. He is also super awesome and multicultural so I feel like I have a pretty good chance of raising a good kid with him, regardless of where we are.
- My Chinese family ties are specifically to Shanghai, which, while extremely metropolitan, still has certain aspects of Mainland China that would make long-term living there less enticing:
---> The government control and censorship of media and internet
---> The deterioriating environment factors
---> The stress levels and the emphasis on 不要落后在起跑线上 (don't fall behind at the starting line -- basically a lot of pressure to give your kid *everything*. I'm talking about English classes for 2 year olds, bribery to get into the better preschools, etc.) That is honestly something I don't want for my kid.
- I'm more used to asserting/fighting for my rights in America than in China. Part of not quite belonging in either country is that you're always defending the culture/values/politics of one while interacting with the other. The fight in America is a fight for minority representation and against Anglo-centrism, and it's something that I've had enough personal experience in that I *know* that fight. The fight in China would be for certain "American" values: individualism, the right to choose the less optimal path, volunteerism and caring for non-material goods, etc. I'm not saying that China doesn't foster those values, but I feel like the current middle class urban culture there is definitely much more centered around consumerism. You show family how much you care about them by buying gifts and favors, you express your individuality through consumerism. So much self worth is measured through money. My cousin quit his perfectly-fine job and used a bunch of favors to get a better one, not because he was happier at the new one, not because he needed the extra money, but solely because the salary at the new one was more "on par" with what his friends were getting paid. I'm not saying that America isn't obsessed with material wealth, I just feel like ... there's a bit more breathing room here? Or at the very least, I know how to assert myself in American society far better than I know how to assert myself in Chinese society, so I have more confidence in creating a safer environment for my kid in America. What are the cultural pitfalls of living in a China-centric society? How do I deal with toxic ideas in Chinese society? I don't know!!
- I live in a place where there is enough of a Chinese cultural presence that I can create the positive Chinese influences that I want. There are Chinese-English bilingual Montessori schools and bilingual immersion schools that go up to middle school. My parents are currently living within a half hour drive. Getting a Chinese nanny/babysitter is within the realm of possibility. Chinese kids books are easily purchasable. My family is in the weekend Chinese School business. I think all of this creates an extra buffer against "the typical experience." It might be that the things that I value in Chinese culture are, in a way, perhaps better preserved in certain Chinese Diaspora communities than in China proper???
- In terms of when the kid grows up and wants to make their own choice re: China vs. America, I think it's definitely easier to go from America->China (the power of the American passport, etc), than the other way.
- The previous example of my brother! He was born in the US, and then we sent him to boarding school in China for 6th and 7th grade, and then he came back for high school. So his Chinese is great, his English is great, he's a great quirky dude in general, he is much better at navigating both China and America than I am. So yeah... it worked for him!
So anyway, I've made these choices largely based on the situation of my Chinese family ties, the community support that I can get in America vs. in China, and my own feelings of competence in navigating both societies and in creating a good environment for kid in both societies. You might answer these questions completely differently, since Taiwan has fewer of the pitfalls of Shanghai, and your support structure in Taiwan vs. your situation in America might push you to make the opposite decision. And in terms of that sense of Who We Are... given that my kid's gonna be biracial and bicultural, it's just going to be something that they'll have to figure out for themselves. :D???
