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How funny to have come full circle
Dec. 24th, 2012 07:56 amWhen I was a kid, my contact with Christmas was that I would wake up Christmas morning and there would be some small thing, usually un-wrapped, waiting on my bedside table or on a chair or, in Shanghai, underneath the dining table. Starting in 2nd grade it was pretty clear that my mom was the one behind the gift. Some years, when my parents feel ambitious, we'll pull out a cord of Christmas lights and trim the window. The hanging part was always fun, but the lights themselves always seemed to be jarring and quite a waste of electricity.
Then I read the Little House books and started watching TV and started making more friends, and realized that Christmas was a time when you're supposed to give gifts to everyone, not just the kids. And that there's supposed to be a tree with ribbons and lights and ornaments, and gift wrap and anticipation. So in high school I dragged my parents to Walmart and we bought a 6-foot fake tree that we could set up in the living room, and I mandated presents -- everyone had to give everyone else something. We found some musty wrapping paper in the closet that was oddly glossy and said "Celebration!" on it. We had a bag of stick-on bows, but that felt wasteful, so I cut some paper strips and tried to emulate those bows. Then I didn't know where to put the name of the recipient. It was all very confusing. That year I believe I got a set of pens from dad that said "Bank of America" on them.
In the following years I gradually sussed out the general outlines of gift-giving -- the conundrum of the gift card, the expediency of various wrapping strategies, the monetary value vs. thoughtfulness value of a gift, and gift receipts. My parents played along as best they could. I remember coming home on Christmas eve during my last year in college and, finding that the family had completely forgotten that it was Christmas eve, went all in a huff to set up the Christmas tree and put my presents under the tree. Dad came up to me, somewhat contrite, and showed me a fancy Bank of America notebook and asked me if I would like that for Christmas. We plugged in the lights in the Christmas tree and opened presents, which quickly disappeared into drawers, never to be seen again, and at the end of the evening, I unplugged the Christmas tree with its garish wasteful lights, and that was that. I never brought out the tree again after that year.
Then I got married, and Christmas was spent with Jono's family in Chicago. It felt like the way Christmases looked on TV or in the books -- there was a real tree, with amazingly beautiful ornaments. People around me planned for Christmas and Christmas dinner. Family came in from out of town. Stockings were hung up on the mantle. We attended the midnight Christmas mass. But with it also came the confusion and the stress -- what are you supposed to put in the stockings, and who's responsible for the stocking stuffers? Why must we travel on the days of the year which are the busiest, the most expensive, and with the worst weather? How do I get all the presents to Chicago and back? What do I get for family members that I've only known for a year? What is the right monetary value for a "proper" present? What if I got a $25 present for someone and received a $200 present in return? Why are fathers so universally hard to shop for? What if they don't like my present and only pretended to like it?
This year, Jono and I didn't go to Chicago for Christmas, and I feel quite okay about it. I sent off some presents to friends and family earlier in December (thank you, various web-comics that remind me of various shipping deadlines), some hand-made, some bought. I gave my presents to Jono (malt powder and Adventure Time Season 1) 2 weeks ago, unwrapped, and he gave me his present (Dominion Seaside Expansion Set) a week ago, which I waited a day before unwrapping. Tonight we went to Great America and saw some hokey winter wonderland installations with mom, dad, and John. Then, totally forgetting that it was Christmas eve, we drove to a Chinese restaurant to find it completely packed. So instead we drove home, and put in a group effort in the kitchen and managed to rustle up 5 dishes and a soup in about 20 minutes. Now I'm spending a quiet evening with Jono, and tomorrow morning the 5 of us will catch the first showing of Les Miserables at the movie theater. No Christmas tree, no lights, no Christmas morning opening of presents. But I feel good about it -- I've given presents, I've spent time with my friends and family (or will do so in the upcoming week), and this is the first relaxed, non-stressful Christmas I've had since I first bought that fake Christmas tree at Walmart.
It's been a long journey of exploration, but I've finally come full circle on the Christmas experience. And so, I wish all the friends a Merry Christmas over the internet -- I hope that you have spent time thinking about those you care about and doing something about that (gifts, relaxing in their company, plans for seeing each other in the coming year).
BTW, if I haven't seen you in a while, we need to get together!
Then I read the Little House books and started watching TV and started making more friends, and realized that Christmas was a time when you're supposed to give gifts to everyone, not just the kids. And that there's supposed to be a tree with ribbons and lights and ornaments, and gift wrap and anticipation. So in high school I dragged my parents to Walmart and we bought a 6-foot fake tree that we could set up in the living room, and I mandated presents -- everyone had to give everyone else something. We found some musty wrapping paper in the closet that was oddly glossy and said "Celebration!" on it. We had a bag of stick-on bows, but that felt wasteful, so I cut some paper strips and tried to emulate those bows. Then I didn't know where to put the name of the recipient. It was all very confusing. That year I believe I got a set of pens from dad that said "Bank of America" on them.
In the following years I gradually sussed out the general outlines of gift-giving -- the conundrum of the gift card, the expediency of various wrapping strategies, the monetary value vs. thoughtfulness value of a gift, and gift receipts. My parents played along as best they could. I remember coming home on Christmas eve during my last year in college and, finding that the family had completely forgotten that it was Christmas eve, went all in a huff to set up the Christmas tree and put my presents under the tree. Dad came up to me, somewhat contrite, and showed me a fancy Bank of America notebook and asked me if I would like that for Christmas. We plugged in the lights in the Christmas tree and opened presents, which quickly disappeared into drawers, never to be seen again, and at the end of the evening, I unplugged the Christmas tree with its garish wasteful lights, and that was that. I never brought out the tree again after that year.
Then I got married, and Christmas was spent with Jono's family in Chicago. It felt like the way Christmases looked on TV or in the books -- there was a real tree, with amazingly beautiful ornaments. People around me planned for Christmas and Christmas dinner. Family came in from out of town. Stockings were hung up on the mantle. We attended the midnight Christmas mass. But with it also came the confusion and the stress -- what are you supposed to put in the stockings, and who's responsible for the stocking stuffers? Why must we travel on the days of the year which are the busiest, the most expensive, and with the worst weather? How do I get all the presents to Chicago and back? What do I get for family members that I've only known for a year? What is the right monetary value for a "proper" present? What if I got a $25 present for someone and received a $200 present in return? Why are fathers so universally hard to shop for? What if they don't like my present and only pretended to like it?
This year, Jono and I didn't go to Chicago for Christmas, and I feel quite okay about it. I sent off some presents to friends and family earlier in December (thank you, various web-comics that remind me of various shipping deadlines), some hand-made, some bought. I gave my presents to Jono (malt powder and Adventure Time Season 1) 2 weeks ago, unwrapped, and he gave me his present (Dominion Seaside Expansion Set) a week ago, which I waited a day before unwrapping. Tonight we went to Great America and saw some hokey winter wonderland installations with mom, dad, and John. Then, totally forgetting that it was Christmas eve, we drove to a Chinese restaurant to find it completely packed. So instead we drove home, and put in a group effort in the kitchen and managed to rustle up 5 dishes and a soup in about 20 minutes. Now I'm spending a quiet evening with Jono, and tomorrow morning the 5 of us will catch the first showing of Les Miserables at the movie theater. No Christmas tree, no lights, no Christmas morning opening of presents. But I feel good about it -- I've given presents, I've spent time with my friends and family (or will do so in the upcoming week), and this is the first relaxed, non-stressful Christmas I've had since I first bought that fake Christmas tree at Walmart.
It's been a long journey of exploration, but I've finally come full circle on the Christmas experience. And so, I wish all the friends a Merry Christmas over the internet -- I hope that you have spent time thinking about those you care about and doing something about that (gifts, relaxing in their company, plans for seeing each other in the coming year).
BTW, if I haven't seen you in a while, we need to get together!
