(no subject)

Lack of stability, that's what's been troubling my mind these past few days, just sitting in the corner, worrying the frayed tablecloth. I feel like I'm in a PWP. It's been fun, there is an external structure, but there lacks a certainty in emotions, mostly on my part, I think. A third point requires two extra lines. Also the morality imposed by society, and my previous conceptions of self. There are also implications of my association with people in the future. All things that I need to figure out. Words are a poor expression of emotion, and yet words are all we have in the rational realm. And I insist on being rational. Or being able to rationalize my irrationality.

Having a bit of trouble with that, really. It's been a very far leap. For once, it's my rationality that must catch up. I have changed too much behaviorally, and yet not at all in my head.

Don't think talking to Joanne would help. Don't know what the gumi back home would think of this new development. Feel like keeping everything inside until it resolves itself, but it's bubbling out and affecting the rational structure of my world. Then again, if I don't feel ready to explain to people, it means that I'm not rationally comfortable with it yet.

</cryptic>

Yes, I realize that most people would interpret this completely the wrong way. I guess I can only say, "it's not like that, you! Don't assume!" And Gumi should get a properly filtered update because I love you guys so. People here, feel free to poke me.

Jeez, I feel like A-ko and B-ko in the Utena movie, going "sukandalasu! sukandalasu bideo!" just because it's so much fun. XD