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Apr. 2nd, 2023
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Apr. 2nd, 2023 07:15 pmwhelp, I had a totally unproductive weekend of alternating between child care and hiding in the lego room to avoid getting sick. And reading a lot of Witcher fic and watching a lot of Judge Judy. orz
I think part of it was that I was so tired from last week that I just wanted to face-plant in some media and just not be productive for a while. I think part of it was that... I mostly get things done by having structural frames around my tasks*, and the "everyone is sick" thing disrupted those frames.
My structural frames include: grading while charging car, folding laundry while watching tv with spouse, drawing while watching trashy procedurals -- without those frames, I just don't get things done. It might be why I don't get much fic-writing done, because I don't really have structural frame for that one (it used to be "summer afternoon"). And probably why I don't help enough with household chores, either. Food for thought re: how to get myself to do the things. I think a fanfic author I follow writes during their lunch breaks. Maybe I should figure out some sort of "this is the clearly defined period of time that you write/draw." (the problem is what.)
Thankfully, tomorrow is a normal-ish work day for me (poor spouse is still at home with sick child, and I'll try to get home 2 hours earlier), and a normal work day includes car charging, so I'll be able to use that time to do grading.
I've also been thinking about my creative work. I suck at illustration and fic writing is like pulling teeth. As I look at some of my fic wips, some of them are basically one scene that I had in my head that I wanted to build up and am failing to. So... maybe I should actually ::gasp:: draw a short comice for them? Like, why push myself to go against the grain when comicking comes that much more naturally to me? I should try drawing a few low-stakes fan comics again. (which was what got me into this in this in the first place.)
(I'm a little stuck on a particular plot thing for tape v hurley comic, so I need to let it sit a while and come back to it. I think I need to decide whether everything is from the daughter's perspective or the mom's perspective. I thought mom but maybe daughter. And whether she should be wearing a dress to first day of school or not. pros: more clearly doesn't fit in. cons: would have to add way more scenes otherwise. So I think I'm going to have to backtrack a few pages and go in a different direction. If I can get some good layout done at Thursday comickers, then I can probably start inking this coming weekend at the pop-up gallery.)
I've also gotten my brother and my mom to take the RAADS-R test for autism, and they both scored in the 20s, whereas my spouse is ~130, and I'm going to say I'm ~110. So I guess we're a good match? I've been thinking about it some more since the last 2 times I wrote about it (here and here).
Thoughts that I've been turning over in my head these past few weeks:
1) It's really helped me have a better understanding of what gets classified as "autism", and that it is, indeed a spectrum. Prior to taking it, I didn't realize there were so many sensory things on it. It's a flawed test, of course, but still very informative
2) It's interesting how many of the things are ones that I've always categorized as "I'm picky/finicky about x" and "I'm an introvert". Like the sensory stuff, I've always been like, "yeah, this is unpleasant, but I'll avoid it when I can, and tough through it when I have to, because that's what everyone does." But... maybe what I've assumed to be universal things... aren't?
2a) I'm glad that society has a space for picky eaters and socially awkward people, though it really makes me want to expand that definition, or at least push the line of what's acceptable. It's weird that I'm on the side of this arbitrary line that makes me pretty functional and accepted in society, but some of my friends/family who are higher on the autism spectrum aren't??
3) It's been kind of refreshing to think of my weird quirks as something on the autism spectrum. Or at least, be able to say, "hey, yes, I *am* extremely sensitive to smells and sounds, and that's not just a 'weird quirk of mine that I should try to bother people as little as possible about', but actually a part of me that is part of a Defined Thing, which I can more clearly develop coping mechanisms and ask for accommodations for." It's a similar feeling to when I realized that, as Asian and female(-ish), I tend to feel a need to be granted "permission" at work before I feel like I'm allowed to do something. That realization helped me be better about advocating for myself, be more transparent about my needs, and actively seek out male allies at work who are *awesome* enablers who basically sit there and say "S, go do the thing" when I'm waffling. I feel like merely having this framework for understanding my sensory and social stuff can help me with things like being clearer about articulating my sensory overload times and noping out instead of toughing it through. Or doing more social cues checks so that I'm not over-talking in terms of volume and topic. Or being more deliberate about creating consistent habits and structural frames to help me get things done.
3a) I really want my dad to take it (or something similar), because I'm pretty sure he'd score pretty high, and I'm wondering if some of this would help contextualize his current problems.
I think part of it was that I was so tired from last week that I just wanted to face-plant in some media and just not be productive for a while. I think part of it was that... I mostly get things done by having structural frames around my tasks*, and the "everyone is sick" thing disrupted those frames.
My structural frames include: grading while charging car, folding laundry while watching tv with spouse, drawing while watching trashy procedurals -- without those frames, I just don't get things done. It might be why I don't get much fic-writing done, because I don't really have structural frame for that one (it used to be "summer afternoon"). And probably why I don't help enough with household chores, either. Food for thought re: how to get myself to do the things. I think a fanfic author I follow writes during their lunch breaks. Maybe I should figure out some sort of "this is the clearly defined period of time that you write/draw." (the problem is what.)
Thankfully, tomorrow is a normal-ish work day for me (poor spouse is still at home with sick child, and I'll try to get home 2 hours earlier), and a normal work day includes car charging, so I'll be able to use that time to do grading.
I've also been thinking about my creative work. I suck at illustration and fic writing is like pulling teeth. As I look at some of my fic wips, some of them are basically one scene that I had in my head that I wanted to build up and am failing to. So... maybe I should actually ::gasp:: draw a short comice for them? Like, why push myself to go against the grain when comicking comes that much more naturally to me? I should try drawing a few low-stakes fan comics again. (which was what got me into this in this in the first place.)
(I'm a little stuck on a particular plot thing for tape v hurley comic, so I need to let it sit a while and come back to it. I think I need to decide whether everything is from the daughter's perspective or the mom's perspective. I thought mom but maybe daughter. And whether she should be wearing a dress to first day of school or not. pros: more clearly doesn't fit in. cons: would have to add way more scenes otherwise. So I think I'm going to have to backtrack a few pages and go in a different direction. If I can get some good layout done at Thursday comickers, then I can probably start inking this coming weekend at the pop-up gallery.)
I've also gotten my brother and my mom to take the RAADS-R test for autism, and they both scored in the 20s, whereas my spouse is ~130, and I'm going to say I'm ~110. So I guess we're a good match? I've been thinking about it some more since the last 2 times I wrote about it (here and here).
Thoughts that I've been turning over in my head these past few weeks:
1) It's really helped me have a better understanding of what gets classified as "autism", and that it is, indeed a spectrum. Prior to taking it, I didn't realize there were so many sensory things on it. It's a flawed test, of course, but still very informative
2) It's interesting how many of the things are ones that I've always categorized as "I'm picky/finicky about x" and "I'm an introvert". Like the sensory stuff, I've always been like, "yeah, this is unpleasant, but I'll avoid it when I can, and tough through it when I have to, because that's what everyone does." But... maybe what I've assumed to be universal things... aren't?
2a) I'm glad that society has a space for picky eaters and socially awkward people, though it really makes me want to expand that definition, or at least push the line of what's acceptable. It's weird that I'm on the side of this arbitrary line that makes me pretty functional and accepted in society, but some of my friends/family who are higher on the autism spectrum aren't??
3) It's been kind of refreshing to think of my weird quirks as something on the autism spectrum. Or at least, be able to say, "hey, yes, I *am* extremely sensitive to smells and sounds, and that's not just a 'weird quirk of mine that I should try to bother people as little as possible about', but actually a part of me that is part of a Defined Thing, which I can more clearly develop coping mechanisms and ask for accommodations for." It's a similar feeling to when I realized that, as Asian and female(-ish), I tend to feel a need to be granted "permission" at work before I feel like I'm allowed to do something. That realization helped me be better about advocating for myself, be more transparent about my needs, and actively seek out male allies at work who are *awesome* enablers who basically sit there and say "S, go do the thing" when I'm waffling. I feel like merely having this framework for understanding my sensory and social stuff can help me with things like being clearer about articulating my sensory overload times and noping out instead of toughing it through. Or doing more social cues checks so that I'm not over-talking in terms of volume and topic. Or being more deliberate about creating consistent habits and structural frames to help me get things done.
3a) I really want my dad to take it (or something similar), because I'm pretty sure he'd score pretty high, and I'm wondering if some of this would help contextualize his current problems.