(no subject)

3 types of weather drive people to the library: intense muggy heat, piercing cold, and finals. It's hot, and it's finals, so there's lots of people in the library. But the library now has new spiffy computers, so it makes me happy. :)

So I have 1 more paper to go and then I'm done with this, yo! Getting 4 hours of sleep was definitely not amenable to the ability to form coherent arguments for in-class papers. Problem with taking a class about the US and the MidEast is that there's the US thing involved. ::sigh::

Grade projection:
US/MidEast: B
Postwar Japan Lit: A-/B+
Shanghai Arts 1840-1940: B+/A-
Reform and Revolution (Soviet): A-/B+

So if I'm lucky, will have some A's to bring home this quarter.

I'm really wasting my downtime. I should go take a nap and then start work on the Miho paper.

Sometimes I feel like I'm too weird now. Maybe even for myself. Funny how social standards can change like that. If it were last year I'd be referring to Mill and Durkheim. But I'm not. See how good I am? I need to re-learn socializing techniques. Or at least turn down the random-o-meter. There are right things for right places. Must try to learn that. I think the clearest me that I project is when I write stuff, like on LJ and suchlike, mostly because there isn't other people that I'm bouncing off of. Of course, LJ isn't perfect because there is an audience and sometimes I feel the need to oblique things. On the other hand, I don't think I'd ever keep a private diary because I can't stand just writing to myself. Output takes effort, so it needs an audience. Is that why so many diaries begin with an address? I feel much more self-conscious when I write diaries, it requires me to categorize and analyze my day to myself, and that's usually more than I want to contemplate. As I was saying to Isaac last night, there are some things that just shouldn't be defined and categorized because that just puts extraneous social labels on it, so it's easier to just say that it works, and take it at that.

Sometimes I feel like I'm betraying myself, though. Not sure if it's my idealized vision of self, the person I want to be, or some internalized moral standards/contracts with society. And I ask, am I doing this because it feels right, or because I enjoy it, or because I'd like to pretend there's more there than I know there is? Does all this weirdness come from the part of me that I've been keeping in check, and is it really wise to let that go? For example, everyone has violent tendencies at one point or another, and it's a Very Good Thing that most people don't follow up on that. Whole civilization/society and all that. It doesn't help that I don't feel like vocalizing these things, giving them truth and tangibility and consequence. Hmm... maybe it's time for a private entry to myself to at least get what needs to be said said.

(no subject)

well, I napped at the Reg, which means I have a sort of print on my shin where it pressed against the armchair and my joints are a bit chilled from the a/c. But it seems cooler outside--at least the sun's gone, and the walk back in the warm humid air has soothed my joints a bit. It's weird how Chinese people are supposed to live like they're old -- watch the food, watch the temperature, don't walk around bare-foot... It's a good tradition. Anyways, a bit... well, more than a bit annoyed that a summer sublet fell through. She'd liked the place and we were down to discussing dates of in/out and pricing when she popped the "I am sorry, but I have already found another apartment. Thank you so much for showing it to me. I sincerely hope you will find another roommate." Um... wtf? Okay, okay, it's a buyer's market right now, too many sublets and not enough subletters. But you should have let on in the emails.... okay, it's just Sushu being naive. But ARGH, it's annoying... I've already found 2 sublets for my room this summer... and I'm still trying to find more. By Friday/Saturday. Maybe I should go into the real estate business... or something. I'm almost tempted to send emails to all my club mailing lists, I'm so desperate. And these things mean I need to keep checking email hoping I heard back from potentiates. Jeez, it's like worse than a long-distance relationship.