![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Feb. 20th, 2004 01:24 pmI'm currently sucking on a ring pop, a strawberry blueberry watermelon swirl one. I sold my soul* at the Reynold's Club to get it, and now it's making my tongue all green. It's kind of funny in a way, because ever since my childhood I've been denying their existence**. And now I just sold my soul for one. I still wouldn't buy it in stores, but considering that part of my soul has had this illicit love affair with the ring pop, it's a small price to pay.
Yesterday was an odd day. I didn't do anything at all. I woke up late, and just laid in bed all day, doing anothing, wanting nothing, accomplishing nothing. I think my pendulum has finally swung to the other side, and I accepted it. When I was a kid, I wanted nothing, I did nothing, my attachment to the outside world was studying in school and reading Little House in the Big Woods. I thought there was nothing outside worth knowing, and I thought I knew all there is worth knowing. In high school I started knowing other people, other possibilities, that life doesn't have to be a secure cocoon, that foolish things are worth enjoying, too. And having known all that, yesterday I just decided to close everything down again. And the results were different from what I expected. I expected suffocation, but instead I found a quiet sort of contentment in not having to think, to make deadlines, to deal with people.
There is a strange assurance of self, which is different from the strange assurance of the world that happened about a week back.
I don't know how they appeared or if they're here to stay, but hey, life is mellow.
* filled out short questionaire on what I think about love and God (Campus Crusaders)
** they're frivolous snacks that mean nothing, they are but a commercial object made to appeal to an 8-yr-old's romantic heart. Dad would never agree. It's not worth buying, it's pointless, it's probably sticky and would drip onto your finger, it's impractical. BUT THEY LOOK SO COOL. At least to a 8-yr-old.
Yesterday was an odd day. I didn't do anything at all. I woke up late, and just laid in bed all day, doing anothing, wanting nothing, accomplishing nothing. I think my pendulum has finally swung to the other side, and I accepted it. When I was a kid, I wanted nothing, I did nothing, my attachment to the outside world was studying in school and reading Little House in the Big Woods. I thought there was nothing outside worth knowing, and I thought I knew all there is worth knowing. In high school I started knowing other people, other possibilities, that life doesn't have to be a secure cocoon, that foolish things are worth enjoying, too. And having known all that, yesterday I just decided to close everything down again. And the results were different from what I expected. I expected suffocation, but instead I found a quiet sort of contentment in not having to think, to make deadlines, to deal with people.
There is a strange assurance of self, which is different from the strange assurance of the world that happened about a week back.
I don't know how they appeared or if they're here to stay, but hey, life is mellow.
* filled out short questionaire on what I think about love and God (Campus Crusaders)
** they're frivolous snacks that mean nothing, they are but a commercial object made to appeal to an 8-yr-old's romantic heart. Dad would never agree. It's not worth buying, it's pointless, it's probably sticky and would drip onto your finger, it's impractical. BUT THEY LOOK SO COOL. At least to a 8-yr-old.
