Just got my Durkheim paper back. This is the overall comment:
"Your paper often shines through. But overall structure is not easily visible. Try to make your paper have a "story that has a clear beginning and ending." B+
And these were the comments on my first Smith paper:
"Your paper digresses too much! Make clear what you intend to say at the beginning of the paper and organize you points based on that initial scheme. That would make your paper far more clear and focused." B+
And how let's compare it to my Persia Exhibit paper from Hum:
"Your paper thoughtfully and w/ originality explores the 2 exhibits @ the Oriental Institute. You turn up some very astute and sharp points about how they work and you clearly engage w/ the theoretical materials of the course. Your application of the theory shows that you really absorbing and processing the concepts of the course. Your main claim is also very interesting, original and clear.
I had some trouble moving through your writing, however. For our next paper, spend some time checking for clarity, get a friend to read over for points that don't seem clear. In general, specify as mch as possible -- state what you mean, name your actors, lay out your thought process. Often, when excited by ideas, we rush over hum-drum details, but your reader needs those deatilas to process your fine ideas." A-/B+
Conclusion? I can write an A paper if only I can write. Hmm... maybe some practice? Will also have to be more critical in my editing process.
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