summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2015-07-15 08:13 pm
summercomfort) wrote2015-07-15 08:13 pm
Woo here come the advice
So there's this phrase in Chinese, 不听老人言，吃亏在眼前, which roughly translates to "If you don't listen to your elders, trouble is right before you." And ... I got a lot of that when I was a kid, but ever since I left for college, it's stopped being a thing.
Well guess what it becomes a thing every time I tell my parents that I'm pregnant.
And I hate it.
Like, I really appreciate helpful things that are presented as information that I can then assess for myself, like "I think these foods might not be good to eat because they're high in mercury." Or "Have you looked into prenatal vitamins?"
But I have this very contrarian reaction to being told to do things because it's for my own good, without allowing me the chance to assess it and make the decision for myself.
It actually makes me *more* likely to do it if you forbid me from doing it.
Case in point: taiko.
I was thinking to myself, "hmm... maybe I'll take it easy at taiko the next few weeks, maybe only play shime, which is light and doesn't require weird stances. And since they don't know I'm staying home from China, I might skip this Saturday altogether."
Dad, at dinner: "I highly recommend that you don't play taiko. It's too strenuous."
Me: (thinking: what do *you* know about exactly how strenuous taiko is.) "Well, I think this sort of light aerobic exercise is good..."
Dad: "You should take slow walks, then. Or just stay at home."
Me: "I think I'm just going to go with what feels comfortable for my body. I've gotten pretty good at that after all these years."
Dad: "Taiko has all those strong movements, and the vibrations are bad."
Me: >:[ "You know what, I think I'm gonna do taiko after all."
----
I was doing a pretty fine job staying calm and not stressed, but all this parental stuff is definitely making me stressed. I respect my parents a lot, and I think they're great parents, and I'd love their advice on parenting. And I know they've probably got even more invested in this than me, but dammit, let me do my own thing, okay? And guess what, I can research things on my own. Give me *resources*, NOT mandates.
(last time I was told not to stand on tiptoes or have my legs bent more than 90 degrees. :/)
Well guess what it becomes a thing every time I tell my parents that I'm pregnant.
And I hate it.
Like, I really appreciate helpful things that are presented as information that I can then assess for myself, like "I think these foods might not be good to eat because they're high in mercury." Or "Have you looked into prenatal vitamins?"
But I have this very contrarian reaction to being told to do things because it's for my own good, without allowing me the chance to assess it and make the decision for myself.
It actually makes me *more* likely to do it if you forbid me from doing it.
Case in point: taiko.
I was thinking to myself, "hmm... maybe I'll take it easy at taiko the next few weeks, maybe only play shime, which is light and doesn't require weird stances. And since they don't know I'm staying home from China, I might skip this Saturday altogether."
Dad, at dinner: "I highly recommend that you don't play taiko. It's too strenuous."
Me: (thinking: what do *you* know about exactly how strenuous taiko is.) "Well, I think this sort of light aerobic exercise is good..."
Dad: "You should take slow walks, then. Or just stay at home."
Me: "I think I'm just going to go with what feels comfortable for my body. I've gotten pretty good at that after all these years."
Dad: "Taiko has all those strong movements, and the vibrations are bad."
Me: >:[ "You know what, I think I'm gonna do taiko after all."
----
I was doing a pretty fine job staying calm and not stressed, but all this parental stuff is definitely making me stressed. I respect my parents a lot, and I think they're great parents, and I'd love their advice on parenting. And I know they've probably got even more invested in this than me, but dammit, let me do my own thing, okay? And guess what, I can research things on my own. Give me *resources*, NOT mandates.
(last time I was told not to stand on tiptoes or have my legs bent more than 90 degrees. :/)