summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2015-07-13 02:36 pm
summercomfort) wrote2015-07-13 02:36 pm
The waiting game
The first time, I'd made a bunch of cryptic posts, afraid that if I said too much I'd scare it away or something. But in private my thoughts were going every which way and I was looking up all these various lists of early pregnancy symptoms.
The second time, I had a week of worry/elation before it kind of fizzed out in the most non-event ever.
And since then it's been a series of "did I ovulate? If so, does that mean my period will come in 2 weeks?" And of course, there'd be the little hidden bubble of anxiety/excitement that *maybe*.
I'm glad that my body has become better at telling me about ovulation. Changing my expectations has also helped. (accepting that maybe I just naturally have 50-60 day cycles and not pushing it to be what it's not...)
But the point is, by this time, 3 years and 18 iterations in, I've become quite an expert at the waiting -- at being not too anxious/excited, and just taking it one day at a time, from day 9 post-ovulation to when the period comes. 随缘, as they say. No longer counting my blessings, but also no longer cursing my misfortunes. Because they are neither.
I've also stopped playing coy about it, because seriously, at this point, I've really given up on propriety.
So anyway, yesterday I had some weird belly/butt pain all day. There's still some twinges today. It *might* be some freak manifestation of implantation, or it might be some horrible digestive system disease. I'm gonna wait to see if it's still a thing tomorrow. By my best count, I think I ovulated on July 3rd or 4th (wouldn't that be funny, if conception happened on Independence day). So 2 weeks from ovulation would be July 17th or 18th -- this Friday or Saturday.
I'm flying to China on Friday. I guess the big question is whether I should still fly (and deal with being in a low-oxygen airplane cabin for 12 hours, followed by a week of jetlag and then the return trip), or whether I should skip this trip (and whether hoosband would therefore also skip this trip). But I can't really bring myself to care too horribly much? On Wednesday or Thursday I'll measure my hCG, and decide from there. I think the key isn't flying or not flying, but listening to my body.
The second time, I had a week of worry/elation before it kind of fizzed out in the most non-event ever.
And since then it's been a series of "did I ovulate? If so, does that mean my period will come in 2 weeks?" And of course, there'd be the little hidden bubble of anxiety/excitement that *maybe*.
I'm glad that my body has become better at telling me about ovulation. Changing my expectations has also helped. (accepting that maybe I just naturally have 50-60 day cycles and not pushing it to be what it's not...)
But the point is, by this time, 3 years and 18 iterations in, I've become quite an expert at the waiting -- at being not too anxious/excited, and just taking it one day at a time, from day 9 post-ovulation to when the period comes. 随缘, as they say. No longer counting my blessings, but also no longer cursing my misfortunes. Because they are neither.
I've also stopped playing coy about it, because seriously, at this point, I've really given up on propriety.
So anyway, yesterday I had some weird belly/butt pain all day. There's still some twinges today. It *might* be some freak manifestation of implantation, or it might be some horrible digestive system disease. I'm gonna wait to see if it's still a thing tomorrow. By my best count, I think I ovulated on July 3rd or 4th (wouldn't that be funny, if conception happened on Independence day). So 2 weeks from ovulation would be July 17th or 18th -- this Friday or Saturday.
I'm flying to China on Friday. I guess the big question is whether I should still fly (and deal with being in a low-oxygen airplane cabin for 12 hours, followed by a week of jetlag and then the return trip), or whether I should skip this trip (and whether hoosband would therefore also skip this trip). But I can't really bring myself to care too horribly much? On Wednesday or Thursday I'll measure my hCG, and decide from there. I think the key isn't flying or not flying, but listening to my body.