summercomfort | (no subject)

So I ovulated about 10 days ago. This is a big deal for me because (a) I didn't ovulate from Mar-Jun, (b) I had a normal period at the end of July, so to ovulate a *mere* 28 days after (and not 130) is pretty exciting, and (c) This happened without me being on any sort of drug stuff. (My body's response to clomid was to go into crazy rash mode and then stay at the cusp of of ovulation for a month. My body's response to metformin was zero ovulation.)

Implantation happens around 7-10 days after ovulation, and I think this is my 4th time through these exact symptoms? Like, I'd feel nausea, fatigue, and breast tenderness for the first 10 days after ovulation, which makes me think I might be pregnant. But then on day 10, without fail, the symptoms subside. Then the period comes. The first time (Nov 2013) was particularly devastating, because after my 2 miscarriages (Feb 2013 and Aug 2013), I *really* had my hopes up (even checked and saw it'd be a july 2014 due date ;_;). But now, on my 4th time through, I'm just trying to just accept it and not read too much into it. But I also don't want to completely give up. I'm someone who generally regulates my emotions close to a pretty even baseline. And I've been doing a good job of not thinking too much about this and just going on with life the last few months. But day 10-14 post ovulation is always hard. The uncertainty of maaaaaybe being pregnant (and its accompanying emotions of hope and joy and trepidation) is battling with the near-certainty of not being pregnant (and its accompanying emotions of grim acceptance and false comfort). If it's the former, I should rest up and treat my body well. If it's the latter, I should focus on work and move past it. It's hard to find a middle path. I know I should be happy that at least I'm getting semi-regular periods, but my brain's just looking at every tiny insignificant change in my body and going "BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN???? WHAT SHOULD I DO??????"

Oh hey, if any of you want a captain america fanzine, you should comment or message me or something.

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Now that I'm in my postpartum I'm also struggling to find a new baseline. I have days where I feel I'm on an even-keel and coping well, and then I have days where I just feel stressed and burst into tears over and over again.
And I never quite know if my hormones have just hit a speedbump or if it's something I actually have control over.
My uterus may have found it's way back home, but the rest of me is still trying to find its way again.

I wish I had something helpful to say!

:( Sorry to hear that it's still a struggle! I'm hope that Kent is patient and supportive!