summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2012-03-21 11:00 pm
summercomfort) wrote2012-03-21 11:00 pm
Changes in values since college
Things that I used to think were important, but turned out not to be:
- Finishing all the food on the plate.
Yes, valuing food is important, but what's more important is making sure that it's good for my body. I haven't turned into a health nut or anything, but I've stopped pushing myself to finish food when (a) I'm full, or (b) when eating more is just plain bad for me -- the second half of that giant bowl or rice, the too-sweet frosting on the cake, etc. If it's good, I can just save it for later. If it's bad, why am I eating it in the first place? This also pushes me to make better food.
- Pursuing all of my interests.
I used to want to do everything. But now I realize that there are certain things that, while fun, are not worth my time. I'd rather spend my energies doing something creative that only I can do. At the moment, things that are "on indefinite hold" includes knitting and playing the banjo. I keep thinking I might come back to banjo, but I'm also okay with ... not. Taiko already satisfies my musical desires. (Actually, now that I think about it, I'd rather take some singing lessons). Now instead I care more about acquiring skills that will help me realize my creative visions. Which is why I need to do more programming projects
- Saving the world.
I used to have this sense of exceptionalism -- that I was going to do amazing things in life that no one else could do -- single-handedly better China-US relations, reinvent American education system, etc. There was the feeling that, sure, there are tens of thousands of college graduates every year, but somehow, I'm special. Now I'm just happy doing *something* where I feel like I'm making a positive impact on people's lives, and where I can fulfill my own creative and emotional needs.
Things that I now care about, that I didn't before:
- My health
All these years dealing with various Chinese medicine doctors have made me better at monitoring my body -- making sure that I sleep at the right time, and don't tax myself too much. I'm also better at making sure that I eat more vegetables and less chocolate on a day-to-day basis. This isn't because I've lost my love for chocolate, but rather, I've noticed that I feel queasy after gorging on sweets. (It doesn't stop me from, say, chugging a pan of banana-not-banana, but at least I'm aware of the consequences).
- My self: creatively, emotionally, etc.
It used to be that I wanted to fix everyone else's problems. Now (a) I'm better at picking my battles, and (b) I'd rather spend that energy on improving myself. Instead of staying at school until 8pm doing grading, I often get home early and work on non-school projects. I don't get too entangled into other people's emotional drama. I step away from Chinese school as necessary. Instead of living life for other people, I'm valuing my own ideas and pursuits. As a result, I feel a lot more wholesome as a person.
- The world
Back in high school/college, I honestly didn't care too much about other people. Even now I'm not mainlining all the news channels, so most of my friends are better informed than I am. But I find myself actually caring about issues. Maybe it's that I feel more empowered to play my part in them. Maybe I just feel more connected with all the 7 billion other people in the world as I've shed that youthful sense of exceptionalism. This is also why I want to travel so much.
- Mah husband
Back in college, I didn't know if love was possible and sustainable, or if I'd find it. But I did! So yay! And it turns out that it's really about valuing and respecting the entirety of a single person, and having open communication so that you can talk through all the tough things, and of course, being physically compatible.
Of course there are some things that didn't make it onto the above lists -- things that I've always valued, such as my family, China, history, art, friends, etc etc.
- Finishing all the food on the plate.
Yes, valuing food is important, but what's more important is making sure that it's good for my body. I haven't turned into a health nut or anything, but I've stopped pushing myself to finish food when (a) I'm full, or (b) when eating more is just plain bad for me -- the second half of that giant bowl or rice, the too-sweet frosting on the cake, etc. If it's good, I can just save it for later. If it's bad, why am I eating it in the first place? This also pushes me to make better food.
- Pursuing all of my interests.
I used to want to do everything. But now I realize that there are certain things that, while fun, are not worth my time. I'd rather spend my energies doing something creative that only I can do. At the moment, things that are "on indefinite hold" includes knitting and playing the banjo. I keep thinking I might come back to banjo, but I'm also okay with ... not. Taiko already satisfies my musical desires. (Actually, now that I think about it, I'd rather take some singing lessons). Now instead I care more about acquiring skills that will help me realize my creative visions. Which is why I need to do more programming projects
- Saving the world.
I used to have this sense of exceptionalism -- that I was going to do amazing things in life that no one else could do -- single-handedly better China-US relations, reinvent American education system, etc. There was the feeling that, sure, there are tens of thousands of college graduates every year, but somehow, I'm special. Now I'm just happy doing *something* where I feel like I'm making a positive impact on people's lives, and where I can fulfill my own creative and emotional needs.
Things that I now care about, that I didn't before:
- My health
All these years dealing with various Chinese medicine doctors have made me better at monitoring my body -- making sure that I sleep at the right time, and don't tax myself too much. I'm also better at making sure that I eat more vegetables and less chocolate on a day-to-day basis. This isn't because I've lost my love for chocolate, but rather, I've noticed that I feel queasy after gorging on sweets. (It doesn't stop me from, say, chugging a pan of banana-not-banana, but at least I'm aware of the consequences).
- My self: creatively, emotionally, etc.
It used to be that I wanted to fix everyone else's problems. Now (a) I'm better at picking my battles, and (b) I'd rather spend that energy on improving myself. Instead of staying at school until 8pm doing grading, I often get home early and work on non-school projects. I don't get too entangled into other people's emotional drama. I step away from Chinese school as necessary. Instead of living life for other people, I'm valuing my own ideas and pursuits. As a result, I feel a lot more wholesome as a person.
- The world
Back in high school/college, I honestly didn't care too much about other people. Even now I'm not mainlining all the news channels, so most of my friends are better informed than I am. But I find myself actually caring about issues. Maybe it's that I feel more empowered to play my part in them. Maybe I just feel more connected with all the 7 billion other people in the world as I've shed that youthful sense of exceptionalism. This is also why I want to travel so much.
- Mah husband
Back in college, I didn't know if love was possible and sustainable, or if I'd find it. But I did! So yay! And it turns out that it's really about valuing and respecting the entirety of a single person, and having open communication so that you can talk through all the tough things, and of course, being physically compatible.
Of course there are some things that didn't make it onto the above lists -- things that I've always valued, such as my family, China, history, art, friends, etc etc.