summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2011-11-24 12:24 am
summercomfort) wrote2011-11-24 12:24 am
At the cusp
I feel like Jono and I are at the cusp of the next stage in our lives. We've been married two years, and both of us have solid, well-paying jobs. However, there are various things that are unresolved, but should be resolved in the next 2-5 years, and these are the things that have engendered so much discussion and various angst for the last few months. These are big questions, and unlike when we were single, this time we are trying to find the answers together. In a way, this is a follow-up post to this one from September 3rd. By "on the cusp", I don't mean "decide ASAP", but rather, I feel our lives pivoting in the next few years as we try to make these decisions and figure out answers that work for the both of us. I don't expect these life decisions to be made simply, but I'm really glad that we can think and talk about these things. Every time we do, I feel a stronger sense of dedication to my husband, and also a stronger vision of what I want to do.
1) What do we REALLY want to do?
Jono is struggling with the fact that he loves 50% of the work he does (meaningful open-source projects), and hates the other 50% (meetings and vague communication). Also, the bad 50% uses up time for personal projects and the good 50%, leaving him unfulfilled. So maybe the thing to do is to stop doing the 50% that he hates, either by changing projects at work, or completely leaving work for 6 months to a year. (Thankfullly my current job and our current savings would be able to support that)
I really enjoy my job, and I'm feeling ever more integrated at school. However, two other things are also very important to me: (1) making Chinese School curriculum sustainable, and (2) having and raising a baby right. When I really think about it, everything else falls by the wayside -- comics, music, costumes, etc. I definitely want to be there for the future baby full time at least for the first 2 years. That would also be a good time to work on Chinese School. But to properly do the things for Chinese School that I want to do, I think I need to learn web programming. So maybe the thing to do is to take some years off of teaching history upon having baby. In the mean time, I should learn web programming.
2) Where do we want to live?
Jono wants to be within a 20 minute bike ride from work, and within 30 minute public transit from San Francisco. I want to be within 30 min drive or 1 hr train ride from work. I found this cool website http://www.walkscore.com/apartments/ that allows me to input both of our commute requirements, and it shows the overlapping area that we can live. That area is an area of SF called "Dogpatch". So come February, I'll start looking for places in that area. Of course, if Jono or my work situation changes as a result of the above point, this would also change.
3) How do we relate to each other and to our families?
Jono's mom really misses Jono, and vice versa. I also like being close to my family in the Bay Area, especially as they grow older and approach retirement age. So there is discussion of the possibility of Jono's family moving to the Bay Area -- either in 2.5 years, when Aleksa finishes junior high, or in 6.5 years, when she finished high school. Also, I'm hoping in the next 2-4 years I will "form babby" (see point 1 above).
Also, you may remember that Jono and I struggled with meshing our various projects, and finding good things to do with each other. For a while, I was putting my projects aside to wait to "sync up" with him. But for the last few months, I've just been doing my own stuff, and I think it's worked better -- when we mesh, we mesh, and if not, at least we're both productive. We do taiko together, and on some nights, when things work out, we work on projects together. I've decided to stop stressing about it and take a more wu-wei Daoist approach, and I think it's working better as a result.
Anyways, these things are still in the air, but we are working, we are talking, and we are committed to each other. That's what's important.
1) What do we REALLY want to do?
Jono is struggling with the fact that he loves 50% of the work he does (meaningful open-source projects), and hates the other 50% (meetings and vague communication). Also, the bad 50% uses up time for personal projects and the good 50%, leaving him unfulfilled. So maybe the thing to do is to stop doing the 50% that he hates, either by changing projects at work, or completely leaving work for 6 months to a year. (Thankfullly my current job and our current savings would be able to support that)
I really enjoy my job, and I'm feeling ever more integrated at school. However, two other things are also very important to me: (1) making Chinese School curriculum sustainable, and (2) having and raising a baby right. When I really think about it, everything else falls by the wayside -- comics, music, costumes, etc. I definitely want to be there for the future baby full time at least for the first 2 years. That would also be a good time to work on Chinese School. But to properly do the things for Chinese School that I want to do, I think I need to learn web programming. So maybe the thing to do is to take some years off of teaching history upon having baby. In the mean time, I should learn web programming.
2) Where do we want to live?
Jono wants to be within a 20 minute bike ride from work, and within 30 minute public transit from San Francisco. I want to be within 30 min drive or 1 hr train ride from work. I found this cool website http://www.walkscore.com/apartments/ that allows me to input both of our commute requirements, and it shows the overlapping area that we can live. That area is an area of SF called "Dogpatch". So come February, I'll start looking for places in that area. Of course, if Jono or my work situation changes as a result of the above point, this would also change.
3) How do we relate to each other and to our families?
Jono's mom really misses Jono, and vice versa. I also like being close to my family in the Bay Area, especially as they grow older and approach retirement age. So there is discussion of the possibility of Jono's family moving to the Bay Area -- either in 2.5 years, when Aleksa finishes junior high, or in 6.5 years, when she finished high school. Also, I'm hoping in the next 2-4 years I will "form babby" (see point 1 above).
Also, you may remember that Jono and I struggled with meshing our various projects, and finding good things to do with each other. For a while, I was putting my projects aside to wait to "sync up" with him. But for the last few months, I've just been doing my own stuff, and I think it's worked better -- when we mesh, we mesh, and if not, at least we're both productive. We do taiko together, and on some nights, when things work out, we work on projects together. I've decided to stop stressing about it and take a more wu-wei Daoist approach, and I think it's working better as a result.
Anyways, these things are still in the air, but we are working, we are talking, and we are committed to each other. That's what's important.
no subject
Have you thought about that if Jono takes time off he could do the web programming for the Chinese School?