summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2011-10-08 10:54 pm
summercomfort) wrote2011-10-08 10:54 pm
Reflection time
Life is good.
Sure, I may or may not have Whooping Cough, to be determined on Wednesday when I see the doctor, I am over-committed to a bajillion projects and tasks, and the next 3 years are in flux in regards to whether we'll be living in Beijing for 6 months, whether we will move to San Francisco, whether Jono will switch jobs....
But Life is good. I feel like I've entered the prime of my life -- I can deal with life things with relative aplomb, if not grace. When I drive somewhere new, I don't have to write down every turn instruction -- I just just look at the map and remember how it generally goes. I've figured out a general system of organization that seems to keep my life in only semi-chaos. I have a better sense of what I'm willing to give up and what I hold true to.
I am busy, but in a way that feels overall productive without being mired down by a single thing -- sewing, taiko, drawing, banjo. A part of me worries that I'm not doing The Big Thing, but then I remind myself that I'm not Mom, and that being a teacher is worthwhile. I think instead of doing Big Things like Mom, I'm more someone who does a bunch of Small Things that will hopefully be a consistent body of work. So I will keep with my small productive projects.
I feel okay with Chinese School -- at least, I have a better sense of the limbo it is currently in, which means I also have a better sense of what needs to be done to take it out of limbo, and most importantly, I am confident that I will find the sustained chunk of time and energy that it takes to do this limbo-navigation in the upcoming few years.
After 3 years, I'm finally feeling truly integrated into the school -- I know most of the teachers' names and what they teach. I have taught roughly 1/4 of the students on campus, which means when I walk around on campus and when I open the campus newspaper, I see and I care. I'm going beyond my classes and finding myself on committees, teaching an Independent Study, and generally connecting more with students and with my colleagues.
Jono and I love each other. Being with him makes me relaxed and happy. :) I'm not afraid to show him my vulnerabilities. I cannot hide anything from him for more than 30 minutes. I am constantly inspired by his projects and his creativity. Recently, some more long-term issues have been worked-out, in terms of child-having and project-doing.
So life is good.
Sure, I may or may not have Whooping Cough, to be determined on Wednesday when I see the doctor, I am over-committed to a bajillion projects and tasks, and the next 3 years are in flux in regards to whether we'll be living in Beijing for 6 months, whether we will move to San Francisco, whether Jono will switch jobs....
But Life is good. I feel like I've entered the prime of my life -- I can deal with life things with relative aplomb, if not grace. When I drive somewhere new, I don't have to write down every turn instruction -- I just just look at the map and remember how it generally goes. I've figured out a general system of organization that seems to keep my life in only semi-chaos. I have a better sense of what I'm willing to give up and what I hold true to.
I am busy, but in a way that feels overall productive without being mired down by a single thing -- sewing, taiko, drawing, banjo. A part of me worries that I'm not doing The Big Thing, but then I remind myself that I'm not Mom, and that being a teacher is worthwhile. I think instead of doing Big Things like Mom, I'm more someone who does a bunch of Small Things that will hopefully be a consistent body of work. So I will keep with my small productive projects.
I feel okay with Chinese School -- at least, I have a better sense of the limbo it is currently in, which means I also have a better sense of what needs to be done to take it out of limbo, and most importantly, I am confident that I will find the sustained chunk of time and energy that it takes to do this limbo-navigation in the upcoming few years.
After 3 years, I'm finally feeling truly integrated into the school -- I know most of the teachers' names and what they teach. I have taught roughly 1/4 of the students on campus, which means when I walk around on campus and when I open the campus newspaper, I see and I care. I'm going beyond my classes and finding myself on committees, teaching an Independent Study, and generally connecting more with students and with my colleagues.
Jono and I love each other. Being with him makes me relaxed and happy. :) I'm not afraid to show him my vulnerabilities. I cannot hide anything from him for more than 30 minutes. I am constantly inspired by his projects and his creativity. Recently, some more long-term issues have been worked-out, in terms of child-having and project-doing.
So life is good.
no subject
The transition to "sufficient self confidence" is always a fun place to get to (or maybe, managed chaos as you put it!)