summercomfort | (no subject)

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I wonder, if you irrationally loathe someone, is it because they are so diametrically opposed to you, or because you are too similar? If I don't want to go within arms length of a person because s/he is imperious, self-absorbed, and lives in a personal narrative that has very little bearing with reality, I start to wonder... is it because I'm that way? Or that I secretly want to be that way?

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Hm. Sometimes I dislike people because I'm jealous of them, usually because they have some quality of personality I secretly want. But some people are just annoying. You're not at all self-absorbed or disconnected from reality, and you're definitely not imperious. So maybe you envy the person, or maybe they're just a pain.

Oh yeah, the jealousy thing. Yeah, but for me, it's never true jealousy. I feel like if it's someone that I truly secretly want to be, then it turns into admiration. If, however, it is some aspect that I don't have right now, but sort-of want, but maybe not really, then it might turn into a negative jealousy. Maybe I put them down to convince myself that I don't want it?

> So maybe you envy the person, or maybe they're just a pain.
Or maybe both? ;P

I wonder that sometimes too. Offhand, I think the people I dislike tend to fall into three categories:

A) They're the opposite of who I think I am (e.g. a frat boy),
B) They remind me of some old aspect of myself I'd rather forget (e.g. a caustic wit), or
C) They represent someone I'm afraid of becoming or being perceived as (e.g. a self-absorbed person with a nasal voice).

Now that I look at those categories, I see that all three involve comparing the other person to myself, which may not be healthy. Nonetheless, I don't think I dislike people because I'm jealous of them or see my present self in them. Your mileage may vary, of course... this would make an interesting study.

And seconding Alexis: you're more self-possessed than self-absorbed. Go Sushu! :)

Thank you, Brian!!

I think loathing as an action/feel *has* to be self-centered. I may disagree with child molestation, dislike them, hate them, or wish they don't exist, but it's never such a personal reaction as "loathe".... or is it?

I definitely feel #C, though. (e.g. an anime otaku with no social skills)

I'm afraid I can't help--the people I loathe I loathe rationally (eg. Brigette, whom I haven't seen in almost a year but still feel the bile rising when I even contemplate her memory), but I have quite a bit of sympathy for your revulsion simply to be near the person. I hope this person isn't near you too often, or if s/he is, I hope the irritation creates a nice, numbing callous to his/her presence.

Thank you. Fortunately, I don't have any loathees near me. Although, when I do, I become incapable of functioning.

If you loathe someone because they are too much like you, you probably aren't aware of it. That's happened to me before.

so if I'm aware of my loathing, then they're probably not that much like me?

I mean you wouldn't be aware that you loathe them because they are too much like you.

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