relationships

[summercomfort]

Sometimes I talk about having a relationship rubric ... must be taller than me but shorter than the door, must appreciate Chinese culture, must be articulate in own geekiness and interested in learning new geekiness, must not be a bum or a hipster, must be mentally stable or at least on the way there, must be finely tuned to moments of silliness and academic debate (sometimes an usnisa is a hilarious head-lump. Sometimes it's a debate about the transition of buddhist iconography from India -> China -> Korea -> Japan), must find life entertaining, be sexually compatible, and a bunch of other things...

I'd add to it after every relationship-type thing, or sometimes when watching silly chick flicks or after hearing about others' relationships. "One day," I said to myself, "I will post this somewhere or have it in a file so that I can properly assess a relationship, or give potentiaries a rubric." But I never did, because it always felt hollow somehow. Maybe because I would look over the list and realize that there were people that I've loved who would score a 2/5, while others who scored a 5/5, it just didn't work.

....

Hmm.... I was going to continue here, but that's probably inappropriate for a public entry, plus I'm really sleep now. So, um, I'll post a filtered entry tomorrow morning?

Comments

[benlehman.livejournal.com]

Maybe because I would look over the list and realize that there were people that I've loved who would score a 2/5, while others who scored a 5/5, it just didn't work.

That's really the key, I think. I think it's really good to place these things out there and get a good look at what you think you want out of a relationship. But, it's important to keep in mind that that's a different think from what you actually want out of a relationship, which is in turn different from what you need out of a relationship. As long as you leave room to be surprised like that, it's cool to see what your own thoughts.

When I met Alexis, say, she wasn't what I was looking for at all. The same has been true of all of my most positive relationships: The other person was "absolutely wrong" for me in my own estimation.

yrs--
--Ben

[benlehman.livejournal.com]

Must not be a hipster (http://catandgirl.com/view.php?loc=299).

Heh.

[summercomfort]

haha. ::shrug:: I'm irrationally biased? I dunno, man. I like their sense of aesthetics, and there's plenty of art geeks among them, but there's something that makes it "admire/observe from afar."

[summercomfort]

hmm... interesting. What *where* you looking for at the time?

[benlehman.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I don't know how much I should talk about this?

Largely, casual no-strings attached sorts of relationships. I was involved with a polyamorous woman at the time, so there was that, and I also just wanted to see what that sort of lifestyle was like.

yrs--
--Ben

[summercomfort]

Hmm... interesting. Thank you for sharing. :) I'm very glad you found Alexis, though. <3