summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2007-01-20 12:05 am
summercomfort) wrote2007-01-20 12:05 am
The internets, it is my coping strategy
Everyone has a coping strategy. Some people take drugs. Others call friends on the phone. Or punch the wall. Or go for a run. Or dive into work. Or cut themselves. Or binge.
I've come to realize that surfing the internet, and more specifically, posting on LJ, is mine. (Well, there's also the eating of chocolate). Of the options available, I wouldn't say it's the healthiest, but it's not the most damaging, either. Posting on LJ provides a place to reflect, to vent, and to plan.
But recently I haven't been posting much on LJ, which has led to a lot of pent-up stress with no other outlet. The lack of posting, I think, is due to two reasons. The primary reason is the sketchiness of internet availability. The internet is only on from 8-10 at my house, and it's only after 10 that I'd want to post. In the mornings, I go to the high school to use the internet, but LJ is blocked there. The secondary reason is that the change in real life social interactions here has made me more reserved in expressing my ideas. So tonight, I've decided that rather than exploring alternative coping strategies, I'll just turn the internet back on after my brother is supposedly asleep, but actually just reading in bed.
I know I'm a rather public person, especially where LJ is concerned. 99% of my entries are public, perhaps because that decreases the implied significance of each entry. A friends-only post always feels so "listen up, this is top secret to you guys only," and therefore must be important and something worthwhile. On the other hand, there is the self-censorship involved in writing to a nebulous audience.
A small part of me also wonders if this inability to reflect and express emotions outside of LJ is too unhealthy and need to be fixed. And if so, how.
In the meantime, it provides a nice respite from being over-socialized.
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kitsuchan and Ben came to visit this week, and they have been fun yet relaxing at the same time. It was happy. I was sad that my schedule is so crazy that they spent the majority of two days holed up in the bedroom and waiting for a few hours of bubble tea hijinks in the late evening, but the time that we did get to spend was pleasant. We watched Inconvenient Truth, went on bubble tea runs with my cousin, ate sushi and my dad's magical cooking, and they made chocolate-covered strawberries for my family! (My family approves) Things just seemed to work, for once. For example, today, we had planned on having lunch, and then dropping them off at the train station. But I got worried because I got held back in the classroom and ended up getting out almost an hour later than they had expected. But they were pretty cool about that, and we went to have sushi, and then gelato, and then it was the train station ... all perfect timing, without feeling rushed or even being especially time-sensitive. Low-stress, but quality time. That was definitely a happy moment for me today.
There are, of course, a few regrets. If they had stayed an extra day, I think it would have been fun to have made a giant non-Chinese dinner for my parents. And then maybe watched some RahXephon. Co-cooking is always awesome. Then again, we probably don't have any of the kitchen accoutrements and my parents really don't like western food. And they have already been nice enough to hang around in the activity-dead Palo Alto for 2 whole days.
In other news, I drove my cousin to the airport at 6 this morning, so now my room is actually just me now. Wow!
Teaching the new class has had its ups and downs, though more ups than downs. Someone told me that I've been using that phrase ("ups and downs") a lot lately, so I need to make a conscious effort to be more specific. (I seem to be very good at coming up with non-committal, non-specific responses to most probing questions).
Ups are the that the class is all 10th graders, and there are some really high-energy kids in there. I also really like the way my class is set up, with not only daily warm-ups, but also daily cool-downs that I collect. I've also enjoyed lesson-planning and structuring activities with handouts, etc. I was worried about classroom management, since I'm quite inconsistent on it, but it seems to be working. Not perfectly, but not catastrophically, either.
Downs include that lesson-planning takes a lot of time, something that I've been short on this week. Another down is that the class is third block, which is from 11:55-1:30, right after lunch. I usually show up at 9:10 to make copies, prepare the lesson, chat with my CT, etc. This is a drastic change from my previous schedule, where I would show up at 7:15 and be out by 11:30. Since my class is the first class after lunch, I've been spending lunchtime preparing for my class. Also, I'm used to having 3 hours of downtime between teaching and STEP, and now I have half an hour. This means that this week, I've also let some STEP work slide, which is not a good thing in the 2nd week of the quarter. So figuring a feasible schedule is a current concern.
It also seems that I should be on the job search now-ish. But I can't even figure out if I want charter vs. public, big vs. small schools. Not even really certain of the differences, really.
And now I am suddenly very sleepy, so good night, and good luck.
I've come to realize that surfing the internet, and more specifically, posting on LJ, is mine. (Well, there's also the eating of chocolate). Of the options available, I wouldn't say it's the healthiest, but it's not the most damaging, either. Posting on LJ provides a place to reflect, to vent, and to plan.
But recently I haven't been posting much on LJ, which has led to a lot of pent-up stress with no other outlet. The lack of posting, I think, is due to two reasons. The primary reason is the sketchiness of internet availability. The internet is only on from 8-10 at my house, and it's only after 10 that I'd want to post. In the mornings, I go to the high school to use the internet, but LJ is blocked there. The secondary reason is that the change in real life social interactions here has made me more reserved in expressing my ideas. So tonight, I've decided that rather than exploring alternative coping strategies, I'll just turn the internet back on after my brother is supposedly asleep, but actually just reading in bed.
I know I'm a rather public person, especially where LJ is concerned. 99% of my entries are public, perhaps because that decreases the implied significance of each entry. A friends-only post always feels so "listen up, this is top secret to you guys only," and therefore must be important and something worthwhile. On the other hand, there is the self-censorship involved in writing to a nebulous audience.
A small part of me also wonders if this inability to reflect and express emotions outside of LJ is too unhealthy and need to be fixed. And if so, how.
In the meantime, it provides a nice respite from being over-socialized.
kitsuchan and Ben came to visit this week, and they have been fun yet relaxing at the same time. It was happy. I was sad that my schedule is so crazy that they spent the majority of two days holed up in the bedroom and waiting for a few hours of bubble tea hijinks in the late evening, but the time that we did get to spend was pleasant. We watched Inconvenient Truth, went on bubble tea runs with my cousin, ate sushi and my dad's magical cooking, and they made chocolate-covered strawberries for my family! (My family approves) Things just seemed to work, for once. For example, today, we had planned on having lunch, and then dropping them off at the train station. But I got worried because I got held back in the classroom and ended up getting out almost an hour later than they had expected. But they were pretty cool about that, and we went to have sushi, and then gelato, and then it was the train station ... all perfect timing, without feeling rushed or even being especially time-sensitive. Low-stress, but quality time. That was definitely a happy moment for me today.There are, of course, a few regrets. If they had stayed an extra day, I think it would have been fun to have made a giant non-Chinese dinner for my parents. And then maybe watched some RahXephon. Co-cooking is always awesome. Then again, we probably don't have any of the kitchen accoutrements and my parents really don't like western food. And they have already been nice enough to hang around in the activity-dead Palo Alto for 2 whole days.
In other news, I drove my cousin to the airport at 6 this morning, so now my room is actually just me now. Wow!
Teaching the new class has had its ups and downs, though more ups than downs. Someone told me that I've been using that phrase ("ups and downs") a lot lately, so I need to make a conscious effort to be more specific. (I seem to be very good at coming up with non-committal, non-specific responses to most probing questions).
Ups are the that the class is all 10th graders, and there are some really high-energy kids in there. I also really like the way my class is set up, with not only daily warm-ups, but also daily cool-downs that I collect. I've also enjoyed lesson-planning and structuring activities with handouts, etc. I was worried about classroom management, since I'm quite inconsistent on it, but it seems to be working. Not perfectly, but not catastrophically, either.
Downs include that lesson-planning takes a lot of time, something that I've been short on this week. Another down is that the class is third block, which is from 11:55-1:30, right after lunch. I usually show up at 9:10 to make copies, prepare the lesson, chat with my CT, etc. This is a drastic change from my previous schedule, where I would show up at 7:15 and be out by 11:30. Since my class is the first class after lunch, I've been spending lunchtime preparing for my class. Also, I'm used to having 3 hours of downtime between teaching and STEP, and now I have half an hour. This means that this week, I've also let some STEP work slide, which is not a good thing in the 2nd week of the quarter. So figuring a feasible schedule is a current concern.
It also seems that I should be on the job search now-ish. But I can't even figure out if I want charter vs. public, big vs. small schools. Not even really certain of the differences, really.
And now I am suddenly very sleepy, so good night, and good luck.
no subject
Also glad your family liked the strawberries. Next time we'll make that tiramisu! ^_^
no subject
昨天我去五月花买菜了.已经有两个月没去c-town。今天芝加哥下大雪，所以我突然想给你写信。月底我会去加州看婧。你怎样？电话修好了吗？工作也加油！
河边草