summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2004-06-14 12:27 am
summercomfort) wrote2004-06-14 12:27 am
(no subject)
well, I drank a cape codder today. I drank it b/c Joanne made it. I drank it really fast because I wanted to leave Charles' party. Which means right now I'm a bit tipsy.
But tipsy is good. On the way home I worked out a lot of anger and frustrations. (A lot of trees and bushes lost leaves and I punched some telephone poles.)
Y'know, sometimes I don't really understand other people. The whole white-people civility thing bothers me sometimes. If you think what I say is boring, then why listen so attentively? Oh yes, b/c it's polite to do so. Just like if there's complaints, you don't say it straight out, you make snipey comments. Or the fact that people can be absolutely ruthless but still be smiling and civil. Hey, at least my repression works, most of the time. Except when I'm tipsy. This whole room subletting business... getting screwed doesn't mean we should screw other people. But then again, I'm mean, too. I have things that I hold to be important. And it hurts when I have to give it up. Well, it hurt when I realized that my lifestyle is so different from my roommates that I'm a serious inconvenience to them, because my friends are too loud. Yes, even when it's two of them. Damn projection. So I move out because I hate inconveniencing other people. And it hurts when I have to screw over a subletter because he's in Toronto for half a month and not willing to pay. And that I can't house Isaac's mother for a day. (It would have been easier if I would actually be here when she's here, or if the subletter isn't still living in the living room.). Or the fact that I'm arriving so late in the day that my parents are staying up late to pick me up.. (I was selfish and got myself a 9pm plane ticket. Arrival: 11:30). I always want to make things for other people, but feel uncomfortable when they like it. If I gather the courage to give it to them in the first place. That's another thing that I don't get. I mean, I don't drink orange juice because why drink orange juice when you can drink water? Frivolous gift-giving. Frivolous living. What are the boundaries between people? And how can people be so sincerely callous?
Okay, amusement now:
But tipsy is good. On the way home I worked out a lot of anger and frustrations. (A lot of trees and bushes lost leaves and I punched some telephone poles.)
Y'know, sometimes I don't really understand other people. The whole white-people civility thing bothers me sometimes. If you think what I say is boring, then why listen so attentively? Oh yes, b/c it's polite to do so. Just like if there's complaints, you don't say it straight out, you make snipey comments. Or the fact that people can be absolutely ruthless but still be smiling and civil. Hey, at least my repression works, most of the time. Except when I'm tipsy. This whole room subletting business... getting screwed doesn't mean we should screw other people. But then again, I'm mean, too. I have things that I hold to be important. And it hurts when I have to give it up. Well, it hurt when I realized that my lifestyle is so different from my roommates that I'm a serious inconvenience to them, because my friends are too loud. Yes, even when it's two of them. Damn projection. So I move out because I hate inconveniencing other people. And it hurts when I have to screw over a subletter because he's in Toronto for half a month and not willing to pay. And that I can't house Isaac's mother for a day. (It would have been easier if I would actually be here when she's here, or if the subletter isn't still living in the living room.). Or the fact that I'm arriving so late in the day that my parents are staying up late to pick me up.. (I was selfish and got myself a 9pm plane ticket. Arrival: 11:30). I always want to make things for other people, but feel uncomfortable when they like it. If I gather the courage to give it to them in the first place. That's another thing that I don't get. I mean, I don't drink orange juice because why drink orange juice when you can drink water? Frivolous gift-giving. Frivolous living. What are the boundaries between people? And how can people be so sincerely callous?
Okay, amusement now:
My japanese name is 石丸 Ishimaru (round stone) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).
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