summercomfort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
summercomfort) wrote2004-01-18 02:36 am
summercomfort) wrote2004-01-18 02:36 am
(no subject)
God, I feel so petty. LJ is a place for honesty, so I will try to be.
I went to the CUSA show dinner with Tufts house. Y'know, what's left of last year's house. Now, I've always said the reason that I left Pierce even when I had a pretty decent lottery number that would have guaranteed me a large single was because the food was bad, and I'd prefer to cook edible food for myself. (That's utterly true, I've enjoyed cooking for myself and for other people this year.) But part of it was also that the longer I stayed there, the less I felt I belonged. Socializing has never come naturally, and by Spring Quarter of last year, I was sick of making awkward conversations with people that I felt didn't know me and felt obliged to talk to me merely because I was there. In general I just didn't feel a part of any group feeling, which was utterly my fault. I think most people didn't really know what to make of me, being randomly weird, whiny, critical, and generally introverted ad uncooperative with socializing efforts. So being the asocial me, I just figured it's easier just to break it all off and start over. I don't really regret that. I've still kept the individual friends who still live there, and it's easier to be awkward when I don't see these people every day. (at least it's a chance to start over on sheer "friend" or "acquaintance" level, without the added "house" or "roommate" complication.) My flatmates this year are quite awesome people, and I'm enjoying this psuedo "on my own" feeling.
Anyway, some comments were made tonight that made me think that if certain things had been said or done on either side, I would have stayed in the house. (Basically, I was shocked and surprised that some people still remember me, even if just for my cooking. Of course, I'd expected them to remember nothing because I gave nothing.) If I'd realized last year that I made an impact on the house, I might have stayed and given it another shot. And therefore not be in the happy situation that I'm in now.
But really, this entry isn't about offending people, it's about an ugly side of me that I don't want to believe exists, but it does in so blatant a manner. So many petty things that I should just forget. Little things that I can't get over because I keep remembering it and it'd be there, poking me in the conscious. I think I get this from my dad. I'm like one of those bean counters.
And now a recent quote from Joanne: "I'd be taking notes and I look over and she'd either be sleeping or drawing anorexic white chicks. Argh!"
I went to the CUSA show dinner with Tufts house. Y'know, what's left of last year's house. Now, I've always said the reason that I left Pierce even when I had a pretty decent lottery number that would have guaranteed me a large single was because the food was bad, and I'd prefer to cook edible food for myself. (That's utterly true, I've enjoyed cooking for myself and for other people this year.) But part of it was also that the longer I stayed there, the less I felt I belonged. Socializing has never come naturally, and by Spring Quarter of last year, I was sick of making awkward conversations with people that I felt didn't know me and felt obliged to talk to me merely because I was there. In general I just didn't feel a part of any group feeling, which was utterly my fault. I think most people didn't really know what to make of me, being randomly weird, whiny, critical, and generally introverted ad uncooperative with socializing efforts. So being the asocial me, I just figured it's easier just to break it all off and start over. I don't really regret that. I've still kept the individual friends who still live there, and it's easier to be awkward when I don't see these people every day. (at least it's a chance to start over on sheer "friend" or "acquaintance" level, without the added "house" or "roommate" complication.) My flatmates this year are quite awesome people, and I'm enjoying this psuedo "on my own" feeling.
Anyway, some comments were made tonight that made me think that if certain things had been said or done on either side, I would have stayed in the house. (Basically, I was shocked and surprised that some people still remember me, even if just for my cooking. Of course, I'd expected them to remember nothing because I gave nothing.) If I'd realized last year that I made an impact on the house, I might have stayed and given it another shot. And therefore not be in the happy situation that I'm in now.
But really, this entry isn't about offending people, it's about an ugly side of me that I don't want to believe exists, but it does in so blatant a manner. So many petty things that I should just forget. Little things that I can't get over because I keep remembering it and it'd be there, poking me in the conscious. I think I get this from my dad. I'm like one of those bean counters.
And now a recent quote from Joanne: "I'd be taking notes and I look over and she'd either be sleeping or drawing anorexic white chicks. Argh!"
yeah
dorms