Entry tags:
2018 Year in Review
I had a lovely Birthday today -- ate yummy food, played Seven Wonders Duel with Hoosband, did slightly less grading than I'd planned, but it's still chipping away at The Pile. I ... kind of fell asleep at 11pm? Anyway, I woke up at 1am, so I figured I might as well post my Year in Review.
Health-wise, this year sucked.
Well, more like, this year was the year where there were health issues but they all turned out all right. My Feb/Mar concussion ended up being manageable chronic migraines or some such (basically if I ignore my head fuzziness it passes, and high stress times makes it more likely to happen). The April MRI that revealed my Mystery Neck Lump resulted in a lot of worry for me, but the July surgery turned out all right -- best case scenario of no facial paralysis and no cancer, yay! (Though my right ear is still numb and slightly swollen, and the Lump may Return.) Getting into a fender bender on the highway didn't end up damaging my car or my spine. So I can also say that health-wise, this year was ... fortuitous.
Part of this year has been figuring out how to balance working full time and life and internet.
The front half a year is always easier because there's more breaks where I have some time off of work while Rutabaga still has daycare, which means more personal time for me. The back half of the year tends to be a bit harder because there's The Holidays, which makes Nov and Dec a particular drag. (January is also a tough slog, so I'm not out of the woods yet). I need to keep reminding myself that taking on too much ends up having more collateral damage now, due to the addition of Rutabaga-handling logistics. I'm definitely still enjoying work, but the number of times that work requires me to go in outside of normal work hours is definitely taking a toll. (The most primary being that I don't really feel comfortable going to work social events or taking some evening for myself because I'm already constantly asking Hoosband to do extra evening baby care due to work-related events.) I'm not teaching Chinese School this year, which is a nice break, and helps me get my bearings. That, plus Saturday afternoon babysitting, means that I actually get some good work and couples time in on Saturday. I don't know how it's going to work after I start doing that again in September, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I definitely want to spend more time with family and friends in real life, though I feel like I've been doing fairly well in that regard -- keeping up with comickers, slowly rebuilding time with Hoosband, and hopefully finding time in the future for Oakland friends. Maybe figure out a way to spend more time with my parents, instead of just "please hold the baby kthx". I had the Internet Crisis of tumblr first being a shit to me individually and then being a shit to everyone else, which has caused me a lot of mental and emotional energy in the last 5 weeks, but I think I'm finally resettling. (And just in time for various events that I'm modding, natch!) I still need to figure out the amount and type of interaction I want on discord/slack, since I get easily overwhelmed but also I want to feel like I'm part of a community.
Rutabaga has been amazing this year. She's grown so much! She speaks in complex sentences now, and it's actually been fun talking with her. Between the speaking, the walking, the singing, and the potty-training, she's ever increasingly her own littler person. I've been trying to help her recognize her emotions, like "I'm upset because I wanted to play with Mommy but then Mommy went to secretly play with something by herself" (I was opening Seven Wonders Duel), and then we apologize as necessary and take actions to make ourselves feel better. She's a good kid and I'm happy that I get to help her grow into a good person.
Art-wise it's been a mixed bag. I feel like I didn't do enough Rutabaga comics, but I did an anthology comic! My fandom production went down, but my July 4th comic was particularly well-received! I put a lot of energy into making a 4F book this summer, but then didn't really get the high of "I made a thing!" from it. I got to teach a middle school comics elective, but didn't get enough enrollment for the high school one. I'm excited about the Doctor Who game that I'm brainstorming with Hoosband, and also the "comics toolkit" thing that I have in the works. So... kind of everywhere. I'm hoping that some of the breaks next year help with working on that stuff.
I think a big thing I spent this year grappling with, is that feeling of wanting more friends/community and feeling left out of things (stuff like "why don't I get asked to participate in x at school but other new(er) teachers do" and "why am I always hearing about things through tertiary means"), while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed whenever I do try to interact socially with people (stuff like "omg how do people manage to find time to be on chat/tumblr all the time?" and "social niceties are so tiring"). It's not a new feeling or a new issue -- in fact, I remember feeling like this ever since elementary school. But it felt particularly acute this year for some reason? Maybe because I'm like "I'm a frigging adult, I should be better at this."
Speaking of adulting, it's hitting me that I'm 35 now. That's... a number that seemed very far away and very Well Established when I was 22 and fresh out of school, possibly because I've always associated this age with my parent's generation. This year I've definitely felt more Adult, in the "hey, I have enough experience in doing something that I can just ... do it." Stuff like proposing a comics class. Or designing curriculum. Or stating an opinion about something. I'm finding myself suddenly being the mentor or the veteran in the room, and it's an odd feeling -- that I'm no longer in the "fake it till you make it" stage of adulting. I feel like I can maybe stop asking for permission. (Which is an issue especially for Asian women, I think?) It's a good feeling, even if it triggers some "what am I doing with my life?" moments.
I continue to be thankful that I have financial stability and awesome family and friends. I continue to be worried about environmental and political developments. I continue to have hope that the human race will muddle through all this somehow, and part of that muddling through is just me, as one of 7+ billion people, doing the best I can with what I have.
Health-wise, this year sucked.
Well, more like, this year was the year where there were health issues but they all turned out all right. My Feb/Mar concussion ended up being manageable chronic migraines or some such (basically if I ignore my head fuzziness it passes, and high stress times makes it more likely to happen). The April MRI that revealed my Mystery Neck Lump resulted in a lot of worry for me, but the July surgery turned out all right -- best case scenario of no facial paralysis and no cancer, yay! (Though my right ear is still numb and slightly swollen, and the Lump may Return.) Getting into a fender bender on the highway didn't end up damaging my car or my spine. So I can also say that health-wise, this year was ... fortuitous.
Part of this year has been figuring out how to balance working full time and life and internet.
The front half a year is always easier because there's more breaks where I have some time off of work while Rutabaga still has daycare, which means more personal time for me. The back half of the year tends to be a bit harder because there's The Holidays, which makes Nov and Dec a particular drag. (January is also a tough slog, so I'm not out of the woods yet). I need to keep reminding myself that taking on too much ends up having more collateral damage now, due to the addition of Rutabaga-handling logistics. I'm definitely still enjoying work, but the number of times that work requires me to go in outside of normal work hours is definitely taking a toll. (The most primary being that I don't really feel comfortable going to work social events or taking some evening for myself because I'm already constantly asking Hoosband to do extra evening baby care due to work-related events.) I'm not teaching Chinese School this year, which is a nice break, and helps me get my bearings. That, plus Saturday afternoon babysitting, means that I actually get some good work and couples time in on Saturday. I don't know how it's going to work after I start doing that again in September, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I definitely want to spend more time with family and friends in real life, though I feel like I've been doing fairly well in that regard -- keeping up with comickers, slowly rebuilding time with Hoosband, and hopefully finding time in the future for Oakland friends. Maybe figure out a way to spend more time with my parents, instead of just "please hold the baby kthx". I had the Internet Crisis of tumblr first being a shit to me individually and then being a shit to everyone else, which has caused me a lot of mental and emotional energy in the last 5 weeks, but I think I'm finally resettling. (And just in time for various events that I'm modding, natch!) I still need to figure out the amount and type of interaction I want on discord/slack, since I get easily overwhelmed but also I want to feel like I'm part of a community.
Rutabaga has been amazing this year. She's grown so much! She speaks in complex sentences now, and it's actually been fun talking with her. Between the speaking, the walking, the singing, and the potty-training, she's ever increasingly her own littler person. I've been trying to help her recognize her emotions, like "I'm upset because I wanted to play with Mommy but then Mommy went to secretly play with something by herself" (I was opening Seven Wonders Duel), and then we apologize as necessary and take actions to make ourselves feel better. She's a good kid and I'm happy that I get to help her grow into a good person.
Art-wise it's been a mixed bag. I feel like I didn't do enough Rutabaga comics, but I did an anthology comic! My fandom production went down, but my July 4th comic was particularly well-received! I put a lot of energy into making a 4F book this summer, but then didn't really get the high of "I made a thing!" from it. I got to teach a middle school comics elective, but didn't get enough enrollment for the high school one. I'm excited about the Doctor Who game that I'm brainstorming with Hoosband, and also the "comics toolkit" thing that I have in the works. So... kind of everywhere. I'm hoping that some of the breaks next year help with working on that stuff.
I think a big thing I spent this year grappling with, is that feeling of wanting more friends/community and feeling left out of things (stuff like "why don't I get asked to participate in x at school but other new(er) teachers do" and "why am I always hearing about things through tertiary means"), while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed whenever I do try to interact socially with people (stuff like "omg how do people manage to find time to be on chat/tumblr all the time?" and "social niceties are so tiring"). It's not a new feeling or a new issue -- in fact, I remember feeling like this ever since elementary school. But it felt particularly acute this year for some reason? Maybe because I'm like "I'm a frigging adult, I should be better at this."
Speaking of adulting, it's hitting me that I'm 35 now. That's... a number that seemed very far away and very Well Established when I was 22 and fresh out of school, possibly because I've always associated this age with my parent's generation. This year I've definitely felt more Adult, in the "hey, I have enough experience in doing something that I can just ... do it." Stuff like proposing a comics class. Or designing curriculum. Or stating an opinion about something. I'm finding myself suddenly being the mentor or the veteran in the room, and it's an odd feeling -- that I'm no longer in the "fake it till you make it" stage of adulting. I feel like I can maybe stop asking for permission. (Which is an issue especially for Asian women, I think?) It's a good feeling, even if it triggers some "what am I doing with my life?" moments.
I continue to be thankful that I have financial stability and awesome family and friends. I continue to be worried about environmental and political developments. I continue to have hope that the human race will muddle through all this somehow, and part of that muddling through is just me, as one of 7+ billion people, doing the best I can with what I have.