Relationship ratings

[summercomfort]

evilbrainjono just posted his Jono's Koibito Requirements Doc v0.9, which is quite an interesting read. (Perhaps made more so since I was once personally involved)

Anyways, reading that has lead to some thoughts that I'd like to work out:

I feel like many of us have un-official requirements that we use to evaluate any potential relationship. (looks, interest, maturity, "humor"). But Jono has an official one. I very much enjoy Jono's honesty, because any potential person would know what s/he is getting into. However, doesn't that eliminate part of dating process -- the gradual opening up, the exploration of another's interests? Is it a conversation killer or a conversation starter? By giving it all these requirements and parameters, does it eliminate the process of "falling in love"? (And is that okay? I mean, I know many folk who love each other but can't stand to live with each other...)

Also, one wonders how these requirements are come by. Every time I get involved in some relationship-type thing, I always evaluate its success/failure afterwards, which generally leads to additional notes on my unofficial list of requirements. As in, it's a work in progress, and what we think we're looking for in a relationship is formed by our previous encounters with relationships, real or fictional.

I have thought about creating a relationship rubric, detailing what I'm looking for, but also used for making an assessment after the relationship. But therein lies the problem. At least, in the teacher way. You want to give it to the kids beforehand so that they know what to aim for. However, if you make up a rubric before-hand, there's always some unanticipated aspect of the work that's not on the rubric. Thus, rubrics are better made after you see the work you're evaluating. Giving a rubric ahead of time is binding both parties to something that is only approaching the "right" evaluation approach. I mean, it's always a work in process. A "formative assessment", as STEP would call it.

Then there's the matter of that element in relationships that is unqualifiable...

EDIT: Jono has now taken it off his blog. I have changed the link accordingly.